The Pew Research Center recently showed parents across America a list of 10 skills, asking the question: “Which of these skills is most important for a child to get ahead in the world today?” The winner, by far, was communication. In fact, not only was it chosen as the most important; it beat out traditional favorites, such as reading, writing, teamwork and logic.
You can start by using my list of the 10 most powerful things you can say to your kids:
1. I like you.
I like you is saying that you like who they are as a person. It is still important to use I love you, as well.
2. You’re a fast learner.
Children love to learn and they are great at it. They see learning as something that is fun when it is conveyed in the right way. Encouraging them and reinforcing their ability to learn influences how they relate to learning later in life, when it can be more difficult or frustrating.
3. Thank you.
Simple courtesies are a sign of respect. Social skills are critical in life and the best training for tact and grace starts at home.
4. I’m sorry.
While it is ideal to learn to catch yourself before saying something that might later require an apology, a simple “I am sorry” can go a long way to repairing a strained situation.
5. What do you think?
Ask for input and give kids a chance to be part of family conversations to allow them the opportunity to learn, to exercise their decision-making skills and to begin to take responsibility for their choices. The ability to express what you think and ask for what you want are fundamental skills that will serve your children well throughout their lives.
6. We all make mistakes.
Problems happen and no one is perfect. Dealing with problems and learning from mistakes are vital life skills. When you have a moment in which you do not live up to your own standards, it is an opportunity to demonstrate by example to your children how to take responsibility for mistakes and move on. Kids can beat themselves up over not meeting your expectations or not being perfect. Give each other a little room for mistakes to ease the pressure of perfection on your relationships.
7. Let’s read.
Reading to your kids is an endless and simple gift. It helps them build skills they need for success in life. It enriches your relationship and creates a positive association and love of learning. And, books provide an imaginary escape to the world of people, places and ideas.
8. How about we agree to…
Establish a few basic agreements that set the stage for how you will work together within the family. Agreements help to avoid common issues and provide a framework within which to solve problems when they do arise.
9. Tell me more.
This request to your children invites them to share more of their thoughts, feelings and ideas with you. It also involves learning to listen, which shows them that you care.
10. Yes.
Try to use positive reinforcement more so than negative reinforcement. While I do think “no” is still a viable option at times, too often parents are “a ‘no’ waiting to happen.” If you create a pattern of “yes” in your family, you’ll find that “no” doesn’t need to be said as often as you think.
